In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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