The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
