i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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