I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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