Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
