Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
