my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
