Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
