I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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