I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
