Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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