Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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