Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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