I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
two words...techno handjob
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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