note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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