I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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