in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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