I can text with my tongue
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
