i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
