i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
