I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
