I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there was a trapeze. enough said
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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