It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
