TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
