Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
