I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
