never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
