Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
