this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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