I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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