I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
