Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
