you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
