Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
