all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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