Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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