I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
