i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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