Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
