OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
