On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
