But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
