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They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
