Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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