I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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