im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
