I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
