Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
