Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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