you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
