So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
