if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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