I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
