I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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